the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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