Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
