a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
