It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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