Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
