it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
