omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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