Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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