you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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