I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
