she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
