Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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