garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
