Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize