you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
and you fell through a lawn chair
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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