Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
