I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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