You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
