smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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