so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize