My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i believe in u and ur pee
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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