I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
your thong is hanging out like whoa
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
