I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Holy shit dude........stairs
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