Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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