I wish I only lived at night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize