just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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