I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
