Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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