does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
