how can u be prego again
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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