that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
