At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I want her autograph on my taint
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
