he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
