I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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