guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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