My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
