There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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