Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
