yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
