i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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