You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
