I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
