We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize