yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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