he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
