in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize