I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
