Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
