I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Porn is love you can see.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
