I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
