The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
