I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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