wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
