your room smells of hookers.
And success
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When are your genitals available?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
