booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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