You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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