what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
