A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
