Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
