Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize