I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
