a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
