you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
