Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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