I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
