As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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