Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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