Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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