i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
